I Was A Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids, and Why Jennifer Lopez is Ruining Motherhood

I just got this book from the library:

So far it has really hit home for me, as I'm sure it would any modern American mother. It's about the pressure we put on ourselves, the guilt we feel, and how truly difficult it is to parent in this society at this time in history.

This made me think about all of the ideals we have about parenting in this culture, especially the images we see. I've often thought about MySpace as an example. There I have up all of these lovely pictures of my little family on which people are always making even lovelier comments, and I'm like "I should put up a picture of how messy the house always is! Of me biting my fist in order to keep from screaming at Mycie when she wakes up for the 9th time in one night! Of the PB&J we've eaten for lunch the last 5 days is a row! Of the overdue electric bill Graham and I got in a fight over!"

This brings me to our culture's current fascination, nay, obsession, with celebrity culture, and especially their babies. To which I am not immune. I just spent 10 days with various family members in various cities, and all of them had TV (which we don't), and my grandma had months of People magazine back issues (of which I read every single one). So right now I am really seeing this phenomenon clearly, and since I was intrigued myself, I understand why others are too. (And oh boy am I judgemental! Angelina Jolie feeds her kids Cheetos! Christina Aguilera had an elective C-section because she was afraid of a vaginal tear! J-Lo chose to formula feed!).

Speaking of J-Lo. This woman, along, with People magazine, has probably done more to perpetuate the myth of modern motherhood than anyone else. Check her out on the cover of People magazine:

First of all, I'm pretty sure the phrase "Twin Bliss" is an oxymoron. Second of all- look at all that make-up! No mother looks like that. Especially not the mother of an infant, or two infants for that matter. But this is NOTHING compared to the photographs and article inside. There is a photo of her and Marc Anthony (babies' daddy, as if you didn't already know that) pushing the babes in $3,000 strollers. $3,000 each. Two strollers that each cost $3,000.

I bought our stroller at The Salvation Army down the street for $3.75. (Half off! *high five*)

But I digress. Jennifer and Marc are, of course, made up as all hell and decked out in super fancy clothes in every shot. Hmm, wonder who was with the babies in all the time it took for the preparation and then photo shoots? Well, their nannies of course! They have two full time nannies, and yet they tell the interviewer that they insist on doing most of the child care themselves (bullshit), even going so far as to say that they ENJOY hourly night time feedings (what, they're paying their two full time nannies to sleep through this?). Which brings me to...

Her decision to formula feed. There is a two page spread of each of them holding a child and giving him/her his/her bottle. The little caption says something like "Jennifer on her decision to formula feed- 'My mom didn't breastfeed me and I think that was all right. You read and then you do what you know is best for them'". Ahem. Again, bullshit. If she actually did do any reading at all she would have known that formula feeding is never best for babies (unless mama's a crack whore <-- I thought that would be funny but really "crack whore" is just such an unpleasant phrase, even if Norm McDonald does think it's hilarious). I could at least respect her if she had said "You read and then you do what is best for YOU".

They got paid $6 million dollars for the photo shoot and interview.

Now I like looking at pictures of beautiful people, especially when they have cute clothes and cute kids and the photography itself is beautiful, but this I just found strikingly... fake, unreal, staged, ridiculous, indulgent, condescending, tasteless, pompous, fabricated, glossed over. Unreal. My sympathy goes out to those millions of people, mothers, around the world (but undoubtably mostly in America) who are struggling to make ends meet, in debt, in foreclosure, paying off student loans, medical bills, figuring out child care, moving back in with their parents, or literally starving to death who see this magazine, the TV shows, and idealize these people and their lives. As the gap between the lower class and the upper class continues to quickly widen, will this trend only increase, or will people wake up and decide that the absurdity is no longer tolerable? (Can you imagine if everyone spent every moment of time that they would usually spend unmindfully consuming celebrity culture instead doing something like researching permaculture, or teaching a child that the plantain growing in the front yard heals owies, or educating people about global warming, or planting a garden for food and medicine? It would be a completely different world. One that we just might be able to save).

But I digress again. I do have to say that I'm glad that People magazine even covered the breastfeeding topic, because it shows that it is an issue which the public is interested in. My grandma had the next week's issue too and someone had written in condemning J-Lo for making a decision that will negatively affect her childrens' health for the rest of their lives. There was also a letter in one issue condemning Christina for her elective Cesarean. So at least these issues are in the media.

Now if only they would put Ricki Lake, Pam Anderson, Cindy Crawford, or some other celebrity on the cover and do a feature story on their decision to home birth...

Comments

[Primal]

HAHAHAHA!!!!

I LOVE IT! I'm SOOOOOOOO gonna blogroll you!

[Amy Nobile]

Hi there....so glad that the book has resonated! It's so good and cathartic to speak about motherhood openly & honestly. Thanks for the post!

Cheers,

Amy Nobile & Trisha Ashworth, co-authors
"I Was A Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids"

[Emily]

I had a home birth and practice many aspects of attachment parent (including cloth diapering, babywearing, and co-sleeping to name a few.) I am offended by your statement that formula feeding is not best for babies unless the mother is a crack whore. I tried to breastfeed but it did not work for us. Even with the help of 2 midwives, 3 lactation consultants, and a le leche league leader my son could not latch on properly. I pumped for over 3 months and then quit because it was taking up too much of my time that I felt would be better spent with my baby. Not everyone can nurse even if they really want to. You should try to be less judgmental. You are making us other crunchy mamas look bad.