On clothes, women's innate sense of "cuteness", and dressing for motherhood

I don't know why, and I don't know how, but I do know that I never cared about clothing or fashion until after I became a mother. It began slowly, as I emerged from those hazy first few postpartum months. Suddenly I remembered how it felt as a child to be wearing prints I found pleasing to the eye and textures that felt good against the skin. And so began the long and surprising journey to where I am now~ an avid clothes seeker, late-night-alone-in-the-bedroom-outfit-putter-togetherer, and fashion blog reader.

I suppose this has to do with me somehow becoming more myself after I became a mother. All the extra baggage that had accrued over the years- who I thought I should be and how I thought I should look- began to fall away and my essential nature began to surface once again.

First I began writing and sharing my thoughts with the world (via my MySpace blog and sharing my birth story), something I'd always wanted to do but that I didn't believe I had the intelligence, knowledge, or wit to do. That began when my daughter was only a few weeks old. When she was a few months old, I shed yet another layer of self doubt and began pursuing my passion for herbalism. Some time after her 1st birthday, I realized that I derived great pleasure from wearing clothes that I enjoyed and that, just as with writing and herbalism, I had every right to indulge in that enjoyment.

In the intervening years between childhood and now I had believed that interest in fashion was, you know, shallow. I was interested in science, the universe, where we all came from and what it all means. I was not one of "those girls". As so constantly happens, motherhood has turned what I thought I knew on its head and revealed a deeper level of myself. I have realized that I must balance what I enjoy with what must be done, what is aesthetically pleasing with what is not in the world, what is innate with what has been learned (or, in some cases, programmed).

And yes, it does seem to me that most women seem to possess an inherent sense of style, an innate taste for what's, well, cute. Cute babies, cute boys, cute clothes, most women can agree on which side of the cuteness line to place these things, and can derive considerable pleasure from looking at them, talking about them and, of course, from possessing them. (This reminds me of something I always found so funny. Remember the MTV show Daria? And her snobby fashionista sister Quinn? Well Quinn and her vapid girlfriends would always say to each other "That's cute... but not in a shallow way". Picture it with a valley girl accent).

I remember years ago watching that Jessica Simpson reality show with my sister. The editors had put together a little one minute segment to air while the credits ran at the end. In it, Jessica and her mom are looking through the racks at some little Hollywood boutique. Their conversation goes something like this:

"Oh Jess look how cute"

"Cute dress"

"This one's cute"

"That one's really cute"

"Oh my gosh this is so cute"

"Oh cute skirt"

"Ah! Look how cute this is!"

Lacey and I thought it was hilarious. Last month we were in a Target (that is actually not a link to Target's website but to an independent fashion blog called Slave to Target- love it) dressing room and laughed when we realized that we were hearing the same things from the stalls surrounding us. And, of course, we were saying the same things to each other as we tried on clothes.

Here is me in my favorite and most worn piece of clothing this summer, a $20 picnic dress from Target. I wear it by itself with flip flops, with a skinny belt and boots, over leggings with flats, or over jeans. It's also a great beach/river cover up:

I'm tempted to say that this innate sense of cuteness is apparent in girls at a young age, but I just don't know if it arises out of their own true observation or is just a reflection of what they hear around them. That day at Target we were looking through the little girl's clothes when Mycie, then 21 months, reached out of the cart, touched a dress, and said "cute dress". Lacey and I found it very amusing and, well, cute, but it also freaked me out. What am I teaching her? Should I ask everyone we know to stop saying "cute dress/shoes/hair" when they see her? Is it even possible for her to grow up without realizing how much importance people place on how one looks?

And, of course, the answer is no. Even my most feminist minded friends say those things to her. Even Grandpa, even the eight year old boy at the grocery store. And she sees me looking in the mirror, changing outfits, reading the latest issue of Vogue that we just picked up at the library, along with Tumble Bumble and The Going to Bed Book . The best that I can do is strive to teach her to wear what she enjoys and what feels good from the inside out, to be creative and savvy when seeking out clothes (thrift stores, vintage stores, yard sales, instead of Old Navy or Macy's- this also prevents her from participating in the Great American Never Ending Waste Cycle) and, with the help of some of my craftier friends, to make some of her own clothes.

Here's Mycie wearing a shirt my friend Carabeth (Mycie's best homegirl Esme's mama) made her, a skirt found at a baby consignment store that is made by Naartjie and would have cost 4 times as much at the mall, and hand-me-down tie-dye Airwalk "crocs" from Esme:

When I say "dressing for motherhood" I am taking three things into consideration: price, durability, and practicality. The first does not apply to all moms (though it is a central concern for almost every mother I know), but the second and third certainly do. When I'm trying on clothes these days, I no longer picture myself wearing it out a a restaurant/bar/club, or to work or school, I picture myself wearing it at the park.

As stated above, our family shops for clothes mostly at thrift stores and yard sales. Every now and then we'll up our spending output and shop at consignment stores or vintage stores or Target. (If you are like every woman I've talked to about this, you have noticed that Target is doing everything right these days and had the CUTEST clothes). This saves us tons of money and allows me to indulge in the thrill of the hunt more often that I would if I were shopping at the mall.

As for durability, I mean wearing clothes that will withstand climbing up in a tree to rescue a child, the inevitable fruit stains, the toddler's paint-covered hands. One way to do this is to buy two of the pieces that you REALLY love. Another is to only save those pieces for occasions when you know nothing like that will happen. Another is to wear only black tops and dark wash jeans :-)

I suppose practicality falls along the same lines. Wearing a short dress to a park with lots of good climbing trees would be silly. High heels for a stroller walk? No thanks (in fact I don't wear those evil things anywhere, ever). Earrings with a baby in your arms? Owie.

Here we are at Mycie's first birthday party last summer. Both of our dresses were from The Salvation Army:

Another reason I think that this has all come up for me is because this is something that is mine. It is not directly related to my mothering, to housework, to my relationship. It is pure self expression, maybe even self indulgence. I recently read an account of a mother who found herself wearing an ugly purple sweater that she hated just because her daughter liked it. She realized that that sort of sacrifice was not necessary in order for her to be a good mom, that she had to draw the line there, and that it was important for her to keep that realm of her being for herself.

And before we leave, a shout out to the ultimate pair of thrift store fashion radicals, our new friends Spencer and Jasbir. This was taken at a back yard barbeque in Nevada City. Yes, he is wearing a sequined visor on his head and she is wearing a turban on hers. They both looked amazing:

Comments

[stacy]

Ooh, I love the dress you wore to Mycie's birthday! It's so cute ;)

[wholesale kids clothing]

she Looks Adorable and cute to her dress. i really love the design. even the style was cool. keep posting!

-altheya-